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Ashlee, Age 20
I did not like who I was, the environment I lived in and the awful feelings I had about myself. I did not fully realize these truths about myself until I had suffered enough, to the point of complete and absolute surrender of my entire life. At an early age I learned about Christ, salvation, and forgiveness. However I also learned of religion and doctrine which instilled guilt and condemnation in my life. I was torn because I knew in my heart that Jesus did in fact die for my sins, but I had no understanding of his grace. I found myself needing to be saved again and again every time I sinned. I literally went to ever altar at every church I attended. After many years struggling with my Christian faith, I could not bear it any longer. I abandoned myself to what temporarily seemed to bring comfort. I would later become addicted to alcohol. I went through many trials and tribulations for many years bouncing from one home to another, and doing whatever it took to make sure I had my alcohol. Throughout the past 5 years I have struggled to know Christ like others had known him. This wouldn't come until I truly got into his Word and sought him whole-heartedly, like Jeremiah: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13). Today I have freedom I never believed I could have. I am convinced that everything I have experienced has become an asset in reaching others who are struggling in similar areas. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is for all, men, women, and children alike.
As I try to express all that my Lord has done for me throughout my life, I realize it does not do him justice. His unconditional and unfathomable love far exceeds these few words I use to describe my life struggles and continued growth towards spiritual maturity. As I worked the forth step in my home, I came to see on paper the patterns of destructive behavior I had developed throughout my lifetime. These behaviors had their roots in feelings, emotions and defective beliefs.... More Follows
I did not like who I was, the environment I lived in and the awful feelings I had about myself. I did not fully realize these truths about myself until I had suffered enough, to the point of complete and absolute surrender of my entire life. At an early age I learned about Christ, salvation, and forgiveness. However I also learned of religion and doctrine which instilled guilt and condemnation in my life. I was torn because I knew in my heart that Jesus did in fact die for my sins, but I had no understanding of his grace. I found myself needing to be saved again and again every time I sinned. I literally went to ever altar at every church I attended. After many years struggling with my Christian faith, I could not bear it any longer. I abandoned myself to what temporarily seemed to bring comfort. I would later become addicted to alcohol. I went through many trials and tribulations for many years bouncing from one home to another, and doing whatever it took to make sure I had my alcohol. Throughout the past 5 years I have struggled to know Christ like others had known him. This wouldn't come until I truly got into his Word and sought him whole-heartedly, like Jeremiah: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13). Today I have freedom I never believed I could have. I am convinced that everything I have experienced has become an asset in reaching others who are struggling in similar areas. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is for all, men, women, and children alike.
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Kim, Age 43
It didn't take long for this abuse to take hold of my life. By the age of 10-12, I was having suicide thoughts. I developed an idea that I just didn't belong or fit in anywhere. I hated my family. I hated my hair, my clothes, my friends, the school I attended and everything that included me. I soon realized I hated me! Not knowing that this would soon lead me down a path of destruction, I began to dabble with alcohol at 14 years old. By 16 I was drinking and drugging. I married at 16 years of age, and had two children by 21, yet nothing was working for me. I tried many treatment centers, been locked up in several psyche- wards and was in and out of jails. All this just did not seem to work. I didn't fear going to prison as I was a living prison with no out date. I continued to try everything to take away my pain. Relationships weren’t good for me, as I believe that you can only give what you have and I did not know anything about loving anyone or receiving love because I couldn't even love myself. In 1997 I began to go downhill fast. Everything began to spiral out of my control quickly, and I was slowly dying. Nobody even knew! I had lost my children and soon had lost my dad. The awful thing was I hated this man, and yet I loved him. He was my dad. Around March or early April, I moved to a new town and made new friends. It didn't take long before I was right where I had just been. I then began to go out to cemeteries to drink, drug and pass out. I'd wake to find that the pain was still there. I would lie on the hood of my car, look up to the sky and I would tell this all knowing and powerful God, “If you are so real, why won’t you help me?” Little did I know, God had a plan. One night, I drove to a town where my brothers lived, and I asked one if I could borrow his truck. Of course he agreed not knowing I had plans to kill myself. I took the truck, and I began to drive around contemplating where and how I could do this. As I drove around, my sister-in-law had recommended that I should go to AA and get some help. So I was having these thoughts that if I killed myself while having my brother’s truck, he would have the guilt that he had helped me do this. Therefore, I thought I'd go to this meeting and make it appear that I went there first. That way he would think something happened there. As I approached the meeting place I began to tell God, “If you’re so real and know all things, I am going in this place and I'm not going to say a word. If you’re not ok with me killing myself, you will let someone know to help me. Otherwise, when this is over, I am going to kill myself because I can't take the pain anymore. As I sat in the meeting, I said nothing, and when the meeting ended, I quickly headed for the door thinking that God didn’t care either. However, as I got to the door, a stranger stood in front of me and asked If I would go for coffee with some of them. I replied, “No.” and He continued with, “Lady, I have 30 days in recovery, and it's not suggested to help anyone this early in recovery. However, I feel like if I let you leave you are going to kill yourself.” I began to cry, and it was then I knew Jesus had heard me. I asked to go to treatment, and so they took me. After a few days in detox and being moved to impatient, I began to think, “I know this, and I don't need more treatment.” I called one of the ladies in the meeting a few nights before and asked her if she would come get me because I knew treatment and I didn't need this. She replied, “I think you need to stay awhile. If you feel in a couple of days the same way, call me. Boy, was I mad at her. A couple days later still wanting to leave I decided that I would. However, when I awoke the next morning, there was 15 inches of snow on the ground. (Talk about God doing for us what we can't do for ourselves.) Who in their right mind was going to travel to come get me? I went into my room, and I fell on my knees. I asked God to help me, please help me. I asked him to give me the will to want to live. I felt the warmth of God surround me and from that day forward I have been seeking God for everything. See, I surrendered my life that day, and I began to have a relationship with him. I had heard about God, but I didn't know God personally. Years have gone by since my last drink or drug, and I can say that I have no desire to drink or use. I still have the compulsive behaviors. What I mean about compulsive is after I quit drinking and drugging and had gotten saved, I still battled behaviors that where ungodly such as anger, resentments, un-forgiveness, gossiping, and etc. I had to learn that I still had a lot of changes I needed to make. That's where the 12 steps of recovery came in because, as I worked these steps and attended meetings, I learned Kim was very messed up and still needed lots of life changing experiences. This is where I began my spiritual journey. As I worked these steps, I came to an understanding that these tools were very crucial to my freedom, and only through Jesus Christ could a man or a woman truly be set Free! As the scripture says "Whom the Son sets free, they are free indeed!" I found that these steps are in order to help us. Steps 1-3 are teaching me how to find Peace with God. Steps 4-6 help me find Peace with myself. Steps 7-9 I found Peace with others, and in steps 10-12 how to continue this peace. As I have grown in God, I have learned to stop looking at life with my own eyesight and begin to look at things with the insight that God has given me. This whole new life has been an awesome experience for me. Not only have I been able to maintain sobriety, but I have found a new friend and His name is JESUS! I pray that you too will have a desire by now to trust God, and let him walk with you on your journey of freedom. There is victory in Jesus. God will restore unto you all the things that the enemy stole. But remember, Faith is what we believe in action! GOD SENT ME TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM AND THE 12 STEP PROGRAM SENT ME BACK TO GOD!! May God bless you each day as he has me.
Hi. My name is Kim, and I have been in a 12 step program for 10 years. I came to the Lord in 1998 broken and convinced there was no hope for me. As a young child, I lived in a dysfunctional home where there was a lot of anger expressed. There was physical, emotional, mental and sexual abuse. I grew up believing there must be something wrong with me, or I had to have been adopted. I just could not believe that anyone, especially those who say they love you, could do to a child the things I was experiencing.... More Follows
It didn't take long for this abuse to take hold of my life. By the age of 10-12, I was having suicide thoughts. I developed an idea that I just didn't belong or fit in anywhere. I hated my family. I hated my hair, my clothes, my friends, the school I attended and everything that included me. I soon realized I hated me! Not knowing that this would soon lead me down a path of destruction, I began to dabble with alcohol at 14 years old. By 16 I was drinking and drugging. I married at 16 years of age, and had two children by 21, yet nothing was working for me. I tried many treatment centers, been locked up in several psyche- wards and was in and out of jails. All this just did not seem to work. I didn't fear going to prison as I was a living prison with no out date. I continued to try everything to take away my pain. Relationships weren’t good for me, as I believe that you can only give what you have and I did not know anything about loving anyone or receiving love because I couldn't even love myself. In 1997 I began to go downhill fast. Everything began to spiral out of my control quickly, and I was slowly dying. Nobody even knew! I had lost my children and soon had lost my dad. The awful thing was I hated this man, and yet I loved him. He was my dad. Around March or early April, I moved to a new town and made new friends. It didn't take long before I was right where I had just been. I then began to go out to cemeteries to drink, drug and pass out. I'd wake to find that the pain was still there. I would lie on the hood of my car, look up to the sky and I would tell this all knowing and powerful God, “If you are so real, why won’t you help me?” Little did I know, God had a plan. One night, I drove to a town where my brothers lived, and I asked one if I could borrow his truck. Of course he agreed not knowing I had plans to kill myself. I took the truck, and I began to drive around contemplating where and how I could do this. As I drove around, my sister-in-law had recommended that I should go to AA and get some help. So I was having these thoughts that if I killed myself while having my brother’s truck, he would have the guilt that he had helped me do this. Therefore, I thought I'd go to this meeting and make it appear that I went there first. That way he would think something happened there. As I approached the meeting place I began to tell God, “If you’re so real and know all things, I am going in this place and I'm not going to say a word. If you’re not ok with me killing myself, you will let someone know to help me. Otherwise, when this is over, I am going to kill myself because I can't take the pain anymore. As I sat in the meeting, I said nothing, and when the meeting ended, I quickly headed for the door thinking that God didn’t care either. However, as I got to the door, a stranger stood in front of me and asked If I would go for coffee with some of them. I replied, “No.” and He continued with, “Lady, I have 30 days in recovery, and it's not suggested to help anyone this early in recovery. However, I feel like if I let you leave you are going to kill yourself.” I began to cry, and it was then I knew Jesus had heard me. I asked to go to treatment, and so they took me. After a few days in detox and being moved to impatient, I began to think, “I know this, and I don't need more treatment.” I called one of the ladies in the meeting a few nights before and asked her if she would come get me because I knew treatment and I didn't need this. She replied, “I think you need to stay awhile. If you feel in a couple of days the same way, call me. Boy, was I mad at her. A couple days later still wanting to leave I decided that I would. However, when I awoke the next morning, there was 15 inches of snow on the ground. (Talk about God doing for us what we can't do for ourselves.) Who in their right mind was going to travel to come get me? I went into my room, and I fell on my knees. I asked God to help me, please help me. I asked him to give me the will to want to live. I felt the warmth of God surround me and from that day forward I have been seeking God for everything. See, I surrendered my life that day, and I began to have a relationship with him. I had heard about God, but I didn't know God personally. Years have gone by since my last drink or drug, and I can say that I have no desire to drink or use. I still have the compulsive behaviors. What I mean about compulsive is after I quit drinking and drugging and had gotten saved, I still battled behaviors that where ungodly such as anger, resentments, un-forgiveness, gossiping, and etc. I had to learn that I still had a lot of changes I needed to make. That's where the 12 steps of recovery came in because, as I worked these steps and attended meetings, I learned Kim was very messed up and still needed lots of life changing experiences. This is where I began my spiritual journey. As I worked these steps, I came to an understanding that these tools were very crucial to my freedom, and only through Jesus Christ could a man or a woman truly be set Free! As the scripture says "Whom the Son sets free, they are free indeed!" I found that these steps are in order to help us. Steps 1-3 are teaching me how to find Peace with God. Steps 4-6 help me find Peace with myself. Steps 7-9 I found Peace with others, and in steps 10-12 how to continue this peace. As I have grown in God, I have learned to stop looking at life with my own eyesight and begin to look at things with the insight that God has given me. This whole new life has been an awesome experience for me. Not only have I been able to maintain sobriety, but I have found a new friend and His name is JESUS! I pray that you too will have a desire by now to trust God, and let him walk with you on your journey of freedom. There is victory in Jesus. God will restore unto you all the things that the enemy stole. But remember, Faith is what we believe in action! GOD SENT ME TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM AND THE 12 STEP PROGRAM SENT ME BACK TO GOD!! May God bless you each day as he has me.